When I first set this page up, I did a little reading about how to create a successful blog, mostly in terms of how to publicise my page. This was mainly because I wanted what I wrote to be read. I followed most of the advice diligently, and on the whole I think things are ‘good enough’.
I find however I am questioning one piece of advice I read, which was to post regularly. Until now this hasn’t been much of an issue, because I usually have a lot to say anyway, and have been posting so frequently on the whole that regularity would not have been very apparent.
Over this weekend I have found myself reflecting a lot about grief, partly this has related to the media image of Tariq Jahan, expressing himself in the midst of his grief for his son Haroon Jahan. It has also been partly due to my children’s choice of films to watch over this weekend. Both of which concerned the potential loss or death of parents. If this sounds like morbid viewing for children, just consider the plot of Harry Potter, or Nanny McPhee, which for inexplicable reasons reduced me to tears when the children’s father came striding home over the meadow at the end.
For that moment I really missed both of my parents, who died some years ago, my father from an aneurism, my mother from cancer. I really wanted to see them tell them about things, ask their advice.
On reflection I think that this was in part at least my own issues of loss and grief being triggered by the events of last weekend, I got a big hint when I encountered daft claims that ‘all the rioters are black’, which I knew was bunkum just watching the news. This expressed itself as irritation that the ‘extreme right, nutty slack,’ was trying to turn the issue into one of race.
In terms of writing it hasn’t helped that I get irate about some of the sites and posts I end up reading when chasing down daft things some people say. Often I post a reply or two in the knowledge that I will be talking to a moderator, who will delete my contribution for no better reason than I disagree with them. This happens more often than not with right wing, and anti-Islamic sites. This weekend however I was caught by surprise by a site where they left my comments in. And I ended up having a fun (salt please) conversation deconstructing an unsavoury ideology. I suspect a post on that experience will follow at some point.
All in all I think I have just been too angry to post anything that I wouldn’t want to radically edit at a later date. The stupidity of the riots, the stupidity of the politicians, the stupidity of people who wanted to make the riots something they were not.
I think I might be better now, but I guess I am wondering if there are many people out there who although directly unaffected by the riots, and not in a straightforward position to contribute to the cleanup, still feel washed out by the experience. Prehaps it is a function of not being able to help clear up that brings this feeling on me.
Sometimes it would be so easy just to think to myself, ‘People are so damn stupid, they deserve what they get,’ it wouldn’t be true, but perhaps for a little while I could wander round in that particular delusion just to feel superior for a while. But I wouldn’t want to inflict that on my readers, or have some of my darker moments imortalised on this blog. So for now there is just this slightly ascerbic contribution.
Perhaps not a particularly satisfying post, but that’s how it is for me right now.
Have a good one.