Jonathan May-Bowles, AKA Johnny Marbles, AKAThe Phantom Pie flinger of Westminster has been sentenced to six weeks in Gaol for not taking the work of parliament seriously enough, though he should be out in three, at which point he will no doubt start his Z list media career.
This is unfair, I say Unfair, Unfair! (Bangs fist on table in a Murdochish manner) I don’t take parliament seriously, I bet I take it less seriously than Mr Marbles, I should be allowed a Z list media career too. In fact why can’t all of us ordinary every day folk who think that parliament is just an exercise in mutual back scratching, or possibly a covert operation of the Have I Got News For You script writing team, to provide material, all have Z list media careers.
We should all march on parliament and demand our right to a Z list media career.
As I think about it this begins to make an awful lot of sense, it could even kick start our flat lining economy. We could all sell our stories to the papers, last I heard, most of the Z list celebrities, make between £250,000 and a £1,000,000 in their short careers. Think of all us ne‘er-do-do wells, with all that cash sloshing about in our pockets, buying houses, new cars, slap up meals, jewellery, shoes, new laptops, wide screen TV’s and everything else.
Manufacturing would take off, the housing market would perk up, you would need dozens more TV channels to talk about us all, a few extra reality shows, just to keep the income ticking over. No doubt a good percentage would have a few wild parties, giving the tabloids plenty of scandal to talk about, without even having to think about hacking a phone. There would be new jobs created, just to keep track of us all, all those new posts in the ‘IT personality footprint analysis and interpretation industry’ that would be created.
OK, I know that’s lifestyle snooping and phone hacking again, but changing the name changes the game, they would have endless fun arguing with each other about the distinction between phone hacking and ‘personal message facsimile capture’, think of all the work it would create for the lawyers.
That’s it, I have solved the British economy‘s problems at a single stroke.
Z list media careers for all.