News Flash: Breaking News, 10 Downing Street Stolen.

Number 10 celebrates Red Nose Day

A Suspicious Nose

We take you now to our Political Correspondent Mick (The Mole) Robertson, outside Number Ten Downing Street..

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:

Good Evening,  unfortunately I have to correct you there I am indeed in Downing Street, but I cannot say I am outside Number Ten, as Number Ten appears to have been stolen, and replaced by a life size Inflatable replica.

I have with me the Constable on duty at the time when the theft was discovered.

Evening All.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
What can you tell us about how the theft was discovered?

Er  , , the theft became apparent I believe following some particularly barbed comments uttered by the Deputy PM about the PM.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Did you notice anything at the time from you post outside Number Ten?

Constable: [Puffs up chest]
Yes, I can say sir that I immediately heard a hissing sound, and turned around to identify the source of the sound I was hearing. As I did so it was immediately apparent that Number Ten was distinctly deflating sir. I can say with all honesty I have often seen Number Ten deflated, but never quite so literally as this.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
What can you tell us about how the police believe the theft was accomplished?

Unfortunately not sir. I have already communicated all the information I am permitted to disclose at this point, however through a fortunate narrative accident, I can see the Metropolitan Police Commissioner coming now.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
Er Yes Hello, sorry about that, just got caught up in the traffic there.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Commissioner, can I ask you .  ..

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
I’m sorry but before I answer questions I have an announcement concerning the disappearance of Number Ten.

(Sound of cameras turning, clicking shutters, the hum of 100 kilowatts of outside broadcasting lighting turning on, causing Ffestiniog hydroelectric plant in Mid Wales to start it’s turbines. )

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
I would like to say that we are absolutely certain that Number Ten was not pushed, and did not have a heart complaint. We are also absolutely certain that it was the real Number Ten that was stolen, and not a Brazilian who just happened to look like the real Number Ten.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Commissioner, I have just heard that there is evidence that Number Ten was if fact stolen by Hubert Burdock, Chairman and CEO of Chews Corporation, what can you tell us about this?

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
All I can say about the theft at this time is that it appears that for some inexplicable reason all news crews appeared to have their cameras pointing in the wrong direction at that moment.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Except for the BBC of course.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
Apparently your chap had nipped off for a sneaky fag whilst things were quiet.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Ah. I see. Er  Er And no-one recorded anything on a mobile phone by any chance.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
It seems  not. By an astounding coincidence it appears that all mobile phones in a one mile radius were hacked at the same time, rendering them completely useless at the significant moment. Except for the phone of the Constable on duty at the time, his device has been sent for immediate analysis.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Commissioner, could I point out that there is a constable behind you attempting to attract your attention.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
Ah Thankyou, (Turns) Yes constable what is it?

Constable (A Different constable) [nervously]
Er ..  Unfortunately Sir, I have to report that the phone sent for analysis has been damaged sir. [Salutes]

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:
Well don . . .. Er    …. No,  .. What a terrible thing to have happened, how on earth could such a thing have occured?

Constable (A Different constable)  [Checks notes in folder under arm]
Er it seems sir that a brick dropped on it sir, er  . . . ..  Twice …..   No make that   . …. .f  no  . … hold the 3 carry the 9 er, apparently 18 times sir.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson: (worried)
Ah. Well then it seems that the only evidence of the crime has apparently been lost. Er this doesn’t look to good. Er Well then I think that the best thing for me to do is to announce an enquiry, an inquiry of this kind is liable to take some time.

Constable (A Different constable, seriously that‘s his name Archibald. Different.)
Usually about 18 years sir.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson: (Brightening up somewhat)
Really oh good, I will have been retired ten years by then.

Mick (The Mole) Robertson.:
Whilst this is fascinating Commissioner, could I interupt to say that Sky News  has just announced that it has received a ransom note for number Ten. It seems that number ten will only be returned in exchange for Chews International’s reputation.

Commissioner Sir Saul Peterson:  (Worried again)
Oh god that’s going to take decades, I will be a historical laughing stock, the Commissioner who lost Ten Downing street.     Aaaaarrrrgggggg.


About Transremaxculver

An entirely fictitious username I created for posting on 'alt.religion.scientology', Scientology is something of which I am highly critical. For those of you who don't know, the Church of Scientology have a habit of making life very uncomfortable for even the most legitimate of critics, which is why this username is completely anonymous. Anyway I have become quite fond of this username, and although it has to some extent outgrown it's original purpose, I think a blog is perhaps the right place for me/it to continue to grow and develop.
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